"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

Here's my attempt to incorporate some stylistic choices into my writing. My goal? Make it a fun read!

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

The words of Norman Vincent Peale, a self-help guru, someone hoping to instil positive thinking. Aim high, for even if you miss, you’ll walk away with something, one tad bit better than before.

Not in my experience.

I’ve shot for the moon, I’ve aimed high. Yet never once did I land among the stars; rather, I plummeted back to earth. If feelings were a 100-story building with ultimate fulfillment at the top, then I was ground floor, level 0.

Whenever I “shoot for the moon,” setting this unrealistic goal full of wishful thinking, I build up not only a sense of desire but expectation as well. All of a sudden, not only do I want to achieve this goal, but I must. My self-esteem becomes hinged on this one, far away goal. And to preserve my self-esteem, I eliminate any self-doubt:

“Of course I can achieve it, 100% guaranteed.”

It becomes clear in my mind that I not only must achieve it, I can. All of a sudden, I want to achieve this goal, I must achieve this goal, and I can achieve this goal.

Sounds positive right?

Wrong.

All is well if achievement in theory becomes reality. You’ve shot for the moon and like the Apollo 11, you’ve made it. But what if you hadn’t made it? What if you’ve failed to reach your goal?

“Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

Nothing could be further from the truth- there were no stars to land on. I built up expectation after expectation after expectation for myself. Failure was not an option; my self-esteem rested upon my success. Yet there was no sweet, sweet success for me to taste but the bitter, bitter harshness of failure. I was crushed, my self-esteem shattered as I plummeted back to earth.

Feelings. Confusion. Disappointment. Sadness. Anger. Why didn’t I reach my goal? Wasn’t it 100% guaranteed? I had the strengths, the skills- wasn’t I was good enough? Shame.

I didn’t feel happy I made it thus far; rather, I was ashamed I couldn’t even execute something so simple, so guaranteed in my mind. I didn’t “land among the stars” and be content with my journey. I felt like I ended up in a place even lower than where I started.

Perhaps I am scared of the feelings that come with failure. Perhaps I am scared of building expectations. And when those expectations aren’t met, they exacerbate the feelings of worthlessness that much more.

And so I’m incapable of “landing among the stars.”

And to this day, I never “shoot for the moon.”